That awesome moment.....

Dear Self,

That awesome moment will come.

Remember when you were 6 years old? You change kindergarten from 'Tadika Abim' (an Islamic based syllabus when I was 5 yeras old) to 'Tadika Bistari' (English based syllabus)? You don't know how to read in English while all your classmate know how to read them. It was 'Ladybird' book series of 'Peter and Jane'. You English teacher, Ms Alice make you stand up in front of the class because you can't read. You feel ashamed and you hate teacher Alice with her long nails and pink nail polish.

What do you do? You ask your parents to buy Peter and Jane books and you learn how to read it by yourself. You would sit closely to a clever student and you repeat what she read. That moment, you knew what efforts means.

Remember when you're in standard 3? You always get top 10 in class when you were in standard 1 and 2 and suddenly you become top 20 in standard 3. You don't get the attention that you want in class because I am not the 'smart student' and I was a bit naughty and playful.

What do you do? You believe in yourself that you can pass the 'PTS' exam (examination to skip standard 4) just to prove to myself that I am not that stupid. You pray everyday and you be patient of everyday routine. And you pass the exam when you did not really expected it. That moment, you knew what determination means.

Remember when you were in standard 6? You were very bad in math because you could not understand the concept of multiplication and division. You always could not answer the prompt question of 'sifir' from your teacher. Your math teacher, Puan Chang throw your book because you did not do your homework and she even called your parents for counselling? Boy, my mum was mad that time.

Am I that bad? But I was really lazy that time and unorganized. My schoolbag full of 'sampah'. The expectation from the family to score in UPSR is high as I am the "smart student".

What do you do? You become hardworking to do all of your math homework. I did score A's for math but I didn't score straight 5 A's. I've got 1 B which is Science. That moment, you knew what frustration means.

Apa aku merepek cerita zaman sekolah rendah ni?

Sebabnya I was tense with work and personal stuff. And I knew I will get through this phase. I have to go through this phase because that will make way for that awesome moment to come.

And the outcome of this phase is based on what I work and did through it. Work hard to make it right.

Last but not least.... You're Awesome! Yes, the one who read this crap of mine!

I choose not to give up

Demi sesungguhnya! Kami akan menguji kamu dengan sedikit perasaan takut (kepada musuh) dan (dengan merasai) kelaparan, dan (dengan berlakunya) kekurangan dari harta benda dan jiwa serta hasil tanaman. Dan berilah khabar gembira kepada orang-orang yang sabar. (Al-Baqarah 21:55)

Wahai anak-anakku! Pergilah dan intiplah khabar berita mengenai Yusuf dan saudaranya (Bunyamin), dan janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat serta pertolongan Allah. Sesungguhnya tidak berputus asa dari rahmat dan pertolongan Allah itu melainkan kaum yang kafir". (Yusuf 12:87)

Reminder to self.
1. Tidak putus asa dari rahmat dan pertolongan Allah.
2. Khabar gembira untuk orang yang sabar.

Morning Blues

Dear Self,

Remember 3 years ago, you were dissapointed you didn't get the job that you wanted after 3-stage-of-interview? You were so sad and you thought you're not good enough. After that you get even better offer at other company.

Well.... The cycle happen again this time. I finally received official email from the company that I always aim for and sadly I was rejected. And, like before, I feel like I am not good enough.

Allah know what's best. Trust Him. Believe Him.

Just work hard, be sincere, be humble. People can bring you down, but that only mean you're above them. I am worth more than an argument and hateness. I know I am better than that.

Ikut resam padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk. I always need to remind myself about that.

Have a great Thursday everyone! :)

Trust in Allah

You cannot force people to love you, nor make them stay close to you. You can love them, respect them, and hope they come back.

Allah is in full control. Nothing happens without his permission, and not a leaf falls, but he has a clear record. Truly if Allah wills, it will happen.

:) Chill, ok?

Linger Cranberries

Hello!

Next week dah start kerja. Like, seriously?! My two weeks off will end soon. Can't believe it's nearly over. Nevertheless, I had fun, rest and enough inspiration and confidence to face another challenging year.

I watched click earlier this morning. I watch that movie before but today, the movie gave me new perspective. Sebelum ni, I only focus on lovey-dovey part about the relationship of husband and wife and the family. But today, I learn more than just that.

We have to face every moment in life - like challenges and uncomfortable situation. If we want only to live on the sweet things in life, we will missed out most part of our life. Like in the movie, he fast forward his life whenever conflicts happened. In the end, the sweet things just feel meaningless.

Hmm.. Orang lain dah berzaman faham cerita tu. Awak baru nak sibuk cerita. Haha. Ok. Better late than never.

And a little reminder for me. :) Will write out another post later.

The ultimate beauty

Wanita yang solehah (baik) itu lebih baik daripada 1,000 lelaki yang soleh.

I pernah teringat ustazah pernah cakap pasal wanita solehah. Salah satunya ayat kat atas ni. Dan ayat ni makes me thinking and wonder....

Mungkin ada kebenarannya. For woman, to be solehah, it is tough, but not impossible. Senang tapi susah. Bila kita baca buku agama pasal ciri-ciri wanita solehah, terasa kerdil sangat diri.  I am far far away from being a good muslimah. Dalam fahaman barat, kita dah rasa dah cukup baik sebagai seorang wanita. Guess what? It takes more than that. Astagfirullahalazim...

Takut

Pernah tak kadang-kadang, kita rasa takut. Takut masa depan. Takut siksaan pada hari kiamat. Takut tak cukup duit. Takut tak kahwin. Takut tak dapat capai cita-cita. Takut nikmat ditarik. Takut suami / kekasih cari yang lain. Takut kehilangan kasih sayang family. Etc. I have all those fear. Semuanya I takut. Sampai pernah I tak nak buat apa-apa sebab risau sangat masa depan.

The truth is, nothing is guarantee in this world. NOTHING. Hanya janji Allah yang pasti. Itupun dengan kuasa dan kehendak-Nya.

Kita tak tahu masa depan. Semua orang tak tahu. Jadi, kenapa waste time worry about them? Berdoa dan berserah pada Allah adalah yang terbaik. Be positive.

Kadang-kadang hati tak tenang, sebab I think too much, worry too much. I should not. Redha. Berserah. Tiba-tiba teringat ayah pernah pesan, jadi orang Islam ni indah. Sebab apa yang berlaku adalah qada dan qadar Nya. Ayah was right.

I still have so much to learn. So much... Bertapa jahilnya diri ni...

This is just a reminder for me. I feel sad. These few days, I had done deep thinking. Away from work and life routine.

Dunia memang nikmat. Tapi akhirat yang abadi. Are we prepared for this?

Goodnight.

2012! Wrap up!

2012 is nearly end. Looking back, I feel like wow, Alhamdullilah, for the life I lived. Like every year, I will write back the summary of the year at the end of the year. So, I can always look back in this little journal of mine, of what I had gone through.

1. Biggest change in my life - wear a tudung. It is the best thing ever happen. I never expect it this soon. And I always feel glad and blessed. :)

Hey, it's me! Lol

2. Had a time of my life in my career. Successful marketing campaign, not so successful campaign, events, ICC, Preve' launching, incentive trip, meeting with director, ceo and other big bosses, bla, bla, bla.

My ICC Team for this year!

One of my marketing campaign

3. Had a chance to go to Phuket - thanks to my big boss who choosing me to go and I feel he appreciate my hardwork. (cewah, konon!)

Somewhere in Phuket Island

4. Minor surgery on my right ear due to sinus.

Painful Experience

5. Grow love for cats and have 3 of them as pet! Still scared of them but I started to love cats even more now. They are just a cute creature!

Bean(gold), Milo(black&white) & Koko(3 color kitty)

6. Watching how the company change the management. It is really a good life experience. It makes me think deeper about life. Memang betul, hidup umpama roda.

7. Family holiday to Sabah - I am as the organizer who takes care of everything except for the money. My mum is the main sponsor.

Mama & all of us

My old folks!

8. Won lucky draw to Hello Kitty Town for 4 pax. I was mistaken it was a Legoland before. Like duh! And the sibling love it so much!

Sorry Nedi, I only have 4 tickets and I love you anyway.

9. Resign from Proton. Move to other industry that have been my aim in career, InshaaAllah.

10. Make new bestfriend, grow friendship at former workplace, met wonderful people there, met inspiring ordinary people and be a part of their life.

During buka puasa

My favorite people in Proton

11. Learn to cook. I am not afraid of boiling oil anymore. I can remember the recipe or even create new one. Dah pandai agak penggunaan bawang. Haha.

Bolehlaaa...

12. Attending weddings! Although I missed out quite a lot of my friend's wedding.

My 'neighbour' in MRSM Taiping

Best buddies in Proton

13. Still going strong with the partner, InshaaAllah. Hopefully, one day, we will be a husband and wife. :)

That's it. Wrap up of 2012. There are still long way to go for life. Wait up 2013. I have tons to do for you.


Have a nice day!

Bye Proton Edar

In life, every beginning has it ends. And the end of something is a mark of new beginning.

The truth is, I am sad leaving my former workplace. Yesterday is my last day, and I only feel the emotion this morning. I was not feeling well yesterday, thus, I don't really say goodbye to the colleagues.

I will miss everything there.

Bistro - the cafeteria

My office building - which is standing proud

My bosses

My colleagues

Everything.

While I feel like I am not making a wise decision,  my boss said something meaningful to me. "Allah yang gerakkan hati hang untuk pergi dari sini."

I believe that. 

2012 is towards the end. Let embrace 2013 with new kind of confidence. Semoga penghijaran ini akan membawa kepada lebih kebaikan.

Amin.

Thank you all for the warm wishes

Hijrah

Before I start, I would like to express my gratitude towards life. I am blessed. With family and friends, and most importantly my partner, my sidekick that always support me through thick and thin.

I am excited for maal hijrah. It just what I need to start new. I know I can start from today, but doing it for the sake of maal hijrah will be more meaningful.

Reflecting back on my year before, Alhamdullilah, Allah still gave me chance and guidance for me to be a better muslim, a better person. I may not understand why things happen, but I truly believe, there is always hikmah from The Almighty.

One of the hijrah that I would never forget is to wear a hijab. That is the best decision ever. I know it did not bring big impact in my daily life. But it surely impact on my faith and iman to Allah. I feel I can proudly say I am a muslim because I represent one.

For the coming new year maal hijrah, there will be more hijrah in my life, especially on bad habits. And pray for me and remind me to stay in track, to be istiqamah.

Again, I am thankful for the road I have been through. Allah surely know what's best. And to my dear partner (you know who you are), I am with you through this. I love you more and more each day. Allah gave chances to both of us to correct our mistakes, to learn to appreciate and to be a better partner to each of us. This is the preparation before we start something real. In shaa Allah.

To life, there is more than just success, happiness and wealth in the material world. Always remember to chase for thereafter.

Remind me when I am not in track.

Love,
Still Primadona Klasik

Note to Self

Tudung - How & Why

Hello again,

I read back my last post about wearing tudung and I am scared some of people will be offended. Well, so today, I just want to share how and why the sudden change.

1. The thought of wearing tudung had been linger in my mind since few months ago. I keep watching youtube on scarf tutorial. Whenever I go out, I keep on looking to girls wearing tudung and look highly on them. I mean they still look pretty without showing off their hair.

2. The thought of becoming a better person is always there. I try my best to keep 5x prayer. My parents never missed it since they were young and I wonder why its not becoming a habit of mine? Even though I did my prayer, I still feel incomplete. I know I always give praise to Allah, but my heart doesn't feel right because I did not obey His rules. So, I said to myself, just do it!

3. I share my feeling of wearing tudung with few good friend of mine. They give support and encouragement and also tips of wearing them. I feel scared whenever there were stories about lifeafter and judgement day. Dah la banyak dosa nak tangung. Makin banyak kalau tak pakai tudung. Atleast orang yang pakai tudung tu dah tercover sikit dosa. We're human. Never perfect. So, it our duty to cover the flaw.

4. I had a big fight with Amir. I thought I never had a chance with him. And suddenly he ask me to start wearing tudung like right away. I was shocked and tak sangka he would ask me to do that. That makes me love him even more. Don't get me wrong ya. I did not wear because of him. I know he's not my husband yet. He just fastening the process of covering my hair. That's it.

5. I love my dad. Most of my sisters wearing tudung. Why shouldn't I? So, I don't want to burden him even more. And I cover it. And I swear he's the happiest person when he see me wearing one. :)

Life did not change much after wearing them. I am still the same person. I am still that girl who love sexy things like that. Hehe. Life ni kena balance. Dunia & Akhirat. We are lucky taw sebab banyak gila kot tudung yang cantik and more fashion for us. Plus, its like a trend already. Tak kesah la you ikhlas atau tak pakai tudung sebab kalau kita orang yang baik, kalau kita percaya Allah and obey all His rules, that feeling will come naturally.

If you haven't start wearing tudung, please, don't feel bad about yourself. You're still a good person. Keep on looking for Allah's bless, than one day, you will get the feeling. Keep on reading. Keep on searching.

Until then. Bye. :)

End of Ramadhan

Hallo.

Esok balik. Yess! Tapi malas nak pack. Oh, saya berjaya kurangkan 3kg. Namun, untuk mencapai target 55kg, haruslah kurangkan lagi 2kg.

Perut dah flat sikit. Rasa lebih 'confident' dari biasa. Nafsu makan pun dah kurang. Makan pun selalu tak habis. (Ni dah masuk amalan syaiton iaitu pembaziran). Sahur roti je. Kadang2 kuih baki buka malam sebelumnya.

Saya rasa lebih tenang. Mungkin sebab dah lepas beberapa perkara. Alhamdullilah, InsyaAllah raya tahun ni dapat bagi duit raya besar sikit untuk family. tapi dalam hati bankrupt. Yang penting ikhlas.. Hehe..

Tiba-tiba teringat peristiwa time belajar dulu. Asal cuti je, bil telefon rumah mesti double shoot up. Lepas tu ayah mesti mengamuk gile. Mengamuk sampai hempas meja and jerit-jerit. Lepas tu dalam hati, I mesti cakap, alah, setakat 2-3ratus pun nak bising. Bukan sampai seribu pun. Bila dah kerja ni baru faham and terfikir. Besar sebenarnya 2-3ratus tu. Time belajar, sedap je shopping 2-300. Time kerja, sedap gak belanja, cuma ada terdetik dalam hati macam berkira nak spend duit banyak2 macam ni.

Bila fikir balik, I ni dikira bertuah. Belajar parents fully sponsored. Tak payah nak bayar pinjaman PT, etc. Family I sederhana je. Kereta pun parents support time belajar. Bila dah kerja support lagi downpayment untuk kereta baru. I owe my parents that much. Bila dah kerja ni, diri sendiri je mampu tanggung.

It makes me wonder... Bila dah kerja, jangan selfish sangat dengan wang ringgit. Memang lah dapat kerja bagus atas usaha sendiri. Tapi sebenarnya, secretly, parents kita sentiasa doakan kita.

Semakin dewasa, semakin rasa sayang parents. Pelik. Tapi benar.

Better Days Are Ahead

Loneliness.

This feeling strike me once in awhile. Sometime I dont even understand how can I be where I am right now. I ask myself, is this what I plan to be a year ago?

When I was in my school days, I always wanted to grow up faster. I hate being control by adults mostly by my parents and teachers. As I am an adult now, I feel the opposite. I dont want to leave home, never want to leave my comfort zone.

But then I realised, growing is the only thing that keep you moving foward. I am now surviving myself out here. I believe most of us do. To survive.

Love. The only thing that make me feel that everything is worth it. Self love. Family. Friends. Life partner. Love make me feel at ease, in comfort. The greatest love will always be to The Almighty Allah.

Dear Allah, I don't want to feel lost. Harden my heart. Toughen my soul. Please guide me and protect me. Please grant me happiness and bliss with lots of love.

In the end, all of us just human. Full of emotion, never perfect and always full of flaws.

Yours Truly.

Just do it

Im having a weight issue since like forever. So, yesterday I went to buy a 'cure' that will help me battling with fat and body issue.

Enough with being big. It is so damn frustrating that I cannot fit that gorgeous pants or pretty dress nicely. Especially pants. I have a heavy bottom. :(

I didnt plan to buy this thing this soon. I thought of buying it in KL. But I cannot tahan!! Sedih sangat nak shopping baju when Im too fit for M size where L size is a bit loose.

Then I realise its time. Beside watching what I eat, its time to get my body a good sweat. Im being unhappy and moody for too long already. Now its time.

Purchase of the day

Have a happy and healthy lifestyle everyone!

Narcissism

Is an interesting topic to read on. I believe each of us have this personality trait inside of us. It is either a healthy one or destructive one.

You decide.

It remind me of Des'ree song - You Gotta Be

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry

You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Readin' the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My oh my heh, hey

Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face
Oh oh oh Remember

A nice perk me up song. Enjoy!

Top of the Pop

Year 2010 is nearly come to the end. Lets do a quick review how this year is another meaningful year in our life, shall we?

My Top 10 Achievement

1. Graduated with dean's list

2. Got an A for my final year project (PSM)

3. Got my first job offer even before I graduated.

4. Starting a career in a big company (with a big pay too?)

5. Paying my own Kelish to my dad.

6. Manage to buy stuffs that I liked on my own.

7. Finally I can give away to my siblings (if only they know how to 'bodek' me).

8. Being able to be on the plane. (I know this one memang LAME gile tapi its been awhile since I fly)

9. Learn how to cook.

10. Tak sampai 10 pun sebenarnya. 9 je. T_T

So, this is a list of what I had achieved so far this year. Alhamdullilah. It is my personal achievement and it is not something big pun. But, I still feel thankful. My life is such a blessed. I wish everyone feel the same way too, right?

Let us think back about what we did this whole year. We can do better next year, InsyaAllah.

Goodnite!

Geez!

Im not in a good shape lately. Cold, flu and cough had been killing me. Not to mention 'the inner self dilemma' Im facing lately.

I just browse through old photo album and I smiled to myself when I saw this pic. This was me back then. So carefree, easily pull of wide smile without being inferior like I am right now. Where's the confidence gone?

I know what will happen to you

Do you guys believe in fortune teller? I mean like palmist who do palm reading and tell you so and so?

Of course most of us will say they dont. But if you met a person who can read your palm and tell you about it, how do you feel?

And they tell you some good things you want to hear.

And they also tell you things that make you upset and worried about your future.

And some of the things they told is true about yourself.

Will it somehow affected and influence you?

This is what happen to me. But I shouldn't take it to heart and be serious about it. Urgh. I cried and feel sorry for myself. But I think it is like blessing in disguise. Why?

It's like a wake up call that I havent been a good servant of God lately. Astagfirullahalazim.. (forgive me god)

I should strongly believe that all things happen in this world is decide by The Almighty Allah. Prayers can change anything, everything with His will. He is the best decider.

My maid said something that make me feel a lot better after that. "Semua kejadian, Tuhan yang tentukan, bukannya tangan yang tentukan". She's a made a point there and she was right.

That is why my religion probhited to do such thing as tracing fate by the fortune teller.

A lesson learned.

p/s - I didn't purposely went to the palmist to read my hand, intsead, he's someone I know with that ability.

Ride with me

Im home. Hello. Hello.

Had a blissful ride with Amir by my side. We talk and talk and joke around foolishly and I love every second of it.

Had banana leaf rice for berbuka.

Finally, construction buat jalan around shah alam dah siap and wow, hampir dah tak kenal jalan dan confused. Sebenarnya mungkin dah lama siap tapi baru tahu.

Oh, masa nak balik tadi, my grandmother cried and I feel so guilt. I kept thinking about it and I hope she'll be fine. I love you, Atok, so much more than you know.

I think I am the closest grandchild to my atok. We always argue, you know, and I always merajuk with her. But I had a feeling she loved me so much but she just doesnt want to show it. Hati orang tua ni sensitive sometime, so kitaorang ni selalu ada what we call 'generation gap'.

The point is, if you still have atok, please jaga hati diorang. They're diffrent from your parents sebab dorank lagi sensitive. Take time to listen to them, talk to them, entertain them by offering help or going out somewhere. Because deep inside, they feel so lonely and feel like we dont need them anymore or they just simply think they troubled their children.

All of us will grow old one day. Just think about it.

PROTON

Helllooooo everyoneee!! Geez, its been awhile since last I posted something here. Sorry for M.I.A. Last week is like a crazzeehh week for me! From JB to KL to JB to Desaru to KL again within 4days. I feel tired like hell, but, hey, that's the price I had to pay.

So, why I sound so excited?It is because I scored a job in proton! Woohoo! I know some of you will be skeptical like "eleh, kecoh, proton je pun." Haha. I dont care! Im proud of it! You dont know what I have to gone through to get the position.

First of all, I did not know it is quite hard to be a part of proton compared to other GLC. They really pay a lot of effort and money to make proton a strong brand like it used to in the 90's. And, by that, they really carefully selected newbies to work with them.

Last week, I attend proton assessmnet centre in The Summit Hotel, Subang Jaya. Its a two day program where all the selected candidate from various interview before to be assess by them and they will choose the right people that meet their criteria. I had to say that all of them are good, you know. They look so presentable, intelligent and they know how to talk for sure! The total of people went there about 38 and if im not mistaken, only half of them were selected.

I had fun doing the thing. What's not? I mean I met new people and make new friend, staying in a hotel and eating good food. Doing activities that challenging and athletic! Really! Its only 2days program, but I feel like going to the gym straight in a week. (Ok, maybe I exaggerate but hey, penat taw!)

And the trainers, best sangat! I learn a lot from them. In the end of the program, one of the trainer said something that really stuck in my mind. He said something like this;

"Everyone have dreams and goals. Everyone want to be success. But what is succcess? You have to specific in what you want to achived. Be visualized. Then only you can achieved it. Example, if you want to buy a house, what kind of house? where is it located? You have to know specifically which house you want, the exact address."

I guess he made a point there.

Don't get me wrong eh people. I didn't mean to sound so proud or arrogant or 'eksyen'. It just something I want to share with you guys. I feel thankful because one of my aim in my career is to be in a big company. Alhamdullilah. This is just a beginning.

P/s- To be continued.....