How
You Spend Your 20s Will Define You
According
to Meg Jay, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of The
Defining Decade: Why your twenties matter--and how to make the most of them now,
many 20-somethings believe they have all time in the world and how they spend
their 20s doesn't matter. But Jay says they matter most. The foundation you
build in your 20s will define the rest of your life. Take yourself seriously,
she urges.
Adult
Responsibilities Make You Happier
While
many young people may resist getting a "real job" or becoming
independent, Jay says these are the things that make you happy and give you
purpose. "Some people underestimate the satisfaction of working, thinking
they’ll be miserable in a cube," she says. "The 20-somethings that do
work are happier than those who don’t or are underemployed."
Get
The Best Job You Can Get
If
you invest in your career early, you'll have longer to build it up. Jay says
that 70% of wage growth happens in the first 10 years, so you need to get the
best job you can get and negotiate your salary. "People who wait until
their 30s to get going are never going to catch up."
Not
Making A Choice Is A Choice
Jay
says many 20-somethings don't know what they want to do, so they hang around
the house or in low-level jobs waiting for the spirit to move them. "Not
making a choice is a choice," she warns. "These 20-somethings think
they are keeping their options open, but they are actually closing doors."
Resumes start look thin, their peers begin surpassing them and they may get
stuck in underemployment.
It's
Going To Take Time To Get Good At Your Job
Jay
tells her 20-something clients who are fresh on the job scene that it will take
about 10,000 hours (or about five years) to really master their jobs. If you're
wondering why colleagues seem so poised and confident, it's partly because
they've been doing it longer, she says. She advises young people to learn as
much as they can in their first jobs and remember it will take some time to
really get good.
Get
Some Perspective
The
20-something brain is still developing its frontal lobe, says Jay, which is in
charge of overriding emotion with reason. This, coupled with less on-the-job
experience, means 20-somethings are more sensitive to surprise and criticism.
They are more likely to take feedback personally, and magnify events to
enormous proportions in their minds. Step back and get some perspective,
advises Jay. You're not going to be fired because your boss is angry. Hear the
criticism and learn from it.
Take
Romantic Relationships Seriously
Just
because many are marrying later doesn't mean love in your 20s should be waved
off as unimportant, says Jay. She views the 20s as the time when you should be
learning how to have healthy relationships. That means dating people who have
the attributes of a long-term partner, and not putting off love just because
you think you can or should.
Think
Hard About Cohabitation
Cohabitation
has increased by 1,500% since 1960, says Jay. Today 7.5 million unmarried
couples live together, and more than half of all marriages will be preceded by
living together. However, Jay warns that too often young couples don't
communicate clearly about what cohabitation means for their relationship.
"It's easier to get in than get out," she warns, noting that
cohabitation can lead to marriages that aren't compatible because it becomes so
difficult to untangle.
Start
Family Planning Early
Not
a whole lot of 20-somethings are thinking about fertility--but they should be,
says Jay. She notes that young people have been told that they have all the
time in the world to start a family. In reality, fertility starts dropping
significantly by age 35 and dramatically by 40. It's not just a woman's issue
either. Older sperm is associated with problems, she says, and it certainly
impacts men when their spouses can't get pregnant. Jay says you don't have to
start your family in your 20s, but you should be aware of medical realities and
plan ahead.
Change
Your Brain For Life
Jay
says the brain doesn't fully mature until your mid-20s, particularly the parts
that plan for the future and manage emotions. That doesn't mean you should sit
around and wait for it to develop, she says. In fact, what you learn and
experience in your 20s becomes hardwired into your brain, and this is the best
chance you have to re-wire your brain and change how you think and react.
"What people do in their 20s wires who they’ll be as adults."
.jpg)
