I was not in a good shape recently. I am sure who were close to me know how much I complaint about my weight. Anyone can judge me and saying 'what's the big deal about weight issue? its not world crisis'. It is true though. But I can't help it and feel damn stress about it.
I can't fit almost 80% of my clothes. I tore my jeans that used to be loose at the waist. I gained 10kg in 2years time. My appetite for food increased. I don't jog like before. I eat like a pig. That is the ugly truth.
I don't take care of my body like I used to. I feel like it's too late for me. I always feel insecure and my confidence level decreased. I dont buy clothes like I used to. Free size does not fit me anymore and they will show off my flabby evil tummy.
What hurts me the most is, I am not the same girl my boy used to date. I am not the girl who always take care of my appearance. I always wear loose and baggy clothes nowadays to hide my ugly fugly body shape. Yeah, Im stressed about it. I eat a lot more after that to relieved myself.
What kills me is that, my boy make confession saying I should watch over my weight. He never said that before because he dont really like me being thin. But that is definately a signal that my weight is too much! Ofcourse I feel damn sad about it.
One day, I told my boy that I feel sorry for him because his girlfriend does not look like the same girl he dated because of Im being overweight. To my surprise, he reply back saying "Yela, you mana sayang I. You sayang makanan you lagi". Damn. Rasa macam kena stab right through my chest. And, he's not kidding.
I feel sad about it. I feel like he's not proud of me anymore. I feel like Im not the best girlfriend anymore. I feel like a loser. I bet he must have the impression "ni belum lagi kahwin. dah kahwin mesti lagi gemuk macam godzilla." Next thing I know I have a second wife. fml.
I know, its easy for people to say, "Diet lah", "control makan tu" or "exercise lah". But I found it so damn hard to do it, I feel give up even before I start it. Thats the problem. I should take all the humilation as motivation, but I turns out to be opposite. I feel motivated and down.
Please find me the courage to change.....
1 comment:
you know what,
i have been through weight issues since i was 16 too. its like a sin i cannot rid off.
but just remember one thing, even you may not love your body, but its your own body. you have to love it and cherish it while you have it.
everyone will not be happy with what they have. trust me, even the skinny minnie girl has her own issue with her body image.
just dont give a damn with what others want to say.
i have never given a damn since I know its my damn body, and only I can criticize or compliment my body.
But in the same time, eat well, exercise well. Do it because of health, and somehow you will feel much much better. :)
trust me. i know u can. :)
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